Evening (1941) by Nandalal Bose
I hate that I've had to borrow money from my friends so many times. It makes me feel like a failure, like I can't get my financial act together. And I'm worried that my friends are starting to resent me for constantly asking them for help.
It all started a few years ago when I lost my job and had to dip into my savings to cover rent and bills. I was embarrassed to ask for help, but a couple of my closest friends stepped up and lent me some cash to tide me over until I found a new position. I was incredibly grateful, and promised myself I'd pay them back as soon as possible.
But then more unexpected expenses kept popping up - my car needed major repairs, my pet had a medical emergency, I had to fly home for a family emergency. Each time, I found myself turning to those same understanding friends, hat in hand. I'd pay them back, but then another crisis would hit and I'd be back to square one.
I can see the subtle changes in their behavior. The slight hesitation before agreeing to lend me money. The increasingly terse reminders about repayment. Even their body language - a little more closed off, a little less enthusiastic when we hang out. I know they care about me, but I also know I'm wearing out my welcome.
The guilt and shame are overwhelming. I feel like such a burden, like I'm taking advantage of their generosity. And I worry that these repeated loans are damaging our friendships in irreparable ways. At this point, I've even started avoiding them, just to spare myself the humiliation of having to ask for help again.
I know I need to get my financial house in order, to build up my savings and stop relying on others. But it's so hard when life keeps throwing these curveballs. All I can do is apologize profusely, pay them back as quickly as I can, and try to be a better friend in non-monetary ways. Hopefully, with time and consistency, I can regain their trust and restore the balance in our relationships. But it's an uphill battle, and I'm terrified of losing them altogether.
I hate that I've had to borrow money from my friends so many times. It makes me feel like a failure, like I can't get my financial act together. And I'm worried that my friends are starting to resent me for constantly asking them for help.
It all started a few years ago when I lost my job and had to dip into my savings to cover rent and bills. I was embarrassed to ask for help, but a couple of my closest friends stepped up and lent me some cash to tide me over until I found a new position. I was incredibly grateful, and promised myself I'd pay them back as soon as possible.
But then more unexpected expenses kept popping up - my car needed major repairs, my pet had a medical emergency, I had to fly home for a family emergency. Each time, I found myself turning to those same understanding friends, hat in hand. I'd pay them back, but then another crisis would hit and I'd be back to square one.
I can see the subtle changes in their behavior. The slight hesitation before agreeing to lend me money. The increasingly terse reminders about repayment. Even their body language - a little more closed off, a little less enthusiastic when we hang out. I know they care about me, but I also know I'm wearing out my welcome.
The guilt and shame are overwhelming. I feel like such a burden, like I'm taking advantage of their generosity. And I worry that these repeated loans are damaging our friendships in irreparable ways. At this point, I've even started avoiding them, just to spare myself the humiliation of having to ask for help again.
I know I need to get my financial house in order, to build up my savings and stop relying on others. But it's so hard when life keeps throwing these curveballs. All I can do is apologize profusely, pay them back as quickly as I can, and try to be a better friend in non-monetary ways. Hopefully, with time and consistency, I can regain their trust and restore the balance in our relationships. But it's an uphill battle, and I'm terrified of losing them altogether.
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Maddy
Maddy
14 Dec
14 Dec
Oh, sweet friend, let’s start with a deep breath. Inhale that panic and shame you’re lugging around like a beat-up suitcase stuffed with overdue bills, and exhale a little of it right here onto the page. You are not a failure. You are a human being doing their best in a world that sometimes feels designed to trip you up just when you think you’re standing tall again.
First, let’s acknowledge something important: needing help doesn’t make you weak or unworthy. It makes you alive. The myth of the self-sufficient hero who never stumbles is just that—a myth. We’re all interconnected, leaning on each other in ways we rarely acknowledge. That said, I hear you: this cycle of borrowing feels like it’s eating away at the foundation of your friendships and your self-respect. And that’s a heavy thing to carry.
Let’s unpack this situation a little, shall we?
1. The Guilt Monster
The guilt and shame you feel? That’s your heart reminding you that you value your friends and don’t want to hurt them. It’s not a sign that you’re irredeemable; it’s a sign that you care. But guilt, when left unchecked, turns into this nasty little monster that tells you you’re a burden, a failure, someone who doesn’t deserve kindness. That monster is a liar. Acknowledge it, thank it for its input, and then politely show it the door.
2. The Reality Check
Your friends stepped up because they love you, and they believed in your ability to get through tough times. But love doesn’t mean limitless capacity, and it’s okay to recognize that their hesitation or closed-off behavior doesn’t necessarily mean resentment. It could also mean exhaustion or worry, or simply a reflection of their own financial insecurities.
Money is a strange, emotionally charged beast. It turns generosity into a subtle power dynamic, and sometimes that dynamic can get tangled in ways we don’t fully understand. That doesn’t mean your friendships are doomed, but it does mean they need care and honesty to flourish again.
3. The Plan
It’s time to rewrite the story you’ve been telling yourself. The one about being a perpetual taker, forever at the mercy of circumstances. Here’s a new story: You’re someone who’s had a series of unlucky breaks but is committed to taking control of their life.
Start small:
Communicate openly with your friends. Instead of avoiding them, lean into the discomfort. Acknowledge the strain. Say something like: “I know I’ve leaned on you a lot, and it’s weighed on me because I never want to put our friendship in a tough spot. I want to thank you for being there for me when I needed it most, and I want you to know I’m working hard to avoid putting you in that position again.”
Create a repayment plan that works for you and share it with them. Even small, consistent payments show effort and respect for their generosity.
Build your financial safety net—even if it’s just ₹800 a week. The act of saving will start to rebuild your sense of stability and control.
4. The Friendship Repair
Friendships, like bank accounts, need deposits to thrive. Think about the ways you can be a great friend that don’t involve money:
Be present. Listen to them. Celebrate their victories and support them in their struggles.
Offer your time or skills. Can you help them with a project, run errands, or simply lighten their load in small ways?
Remind them of why they love you in the first place—the humor, warmth, and care you bring into their lives.
5. Forgive Yourself
Let’s not forget the most important person in this equation: you. Life knocked you down, and you’ve been scrambling to get back up. That’s not failure—it’s resilience. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve stumbled. Show yourself the same compassion you’d show a friend in your position.
With time, effort, and a commitment to growth, you’ll find your footing again. And when that happens, remember to pay it forward—not just in cash, but in kindness, understanding, and grace for the people in your life.
You’re not a burden, my dear. You’re a work in progress. And I, for one, can’t wait to see what you build from here.
With love and a big virtual hug.
Maddy
Oh, sweet friend, let’s start with a deep breath. Inhale that panic and shame you’re lugging around like a beat-up suitcase stuffed with overdue bills, and exhale a little of it right here onto the page. You are not a failure. You are a human being doing their best in a world that sometimes feels designed to trip you up just when you think you’re standing tall again.
First, let’s acknowledge something important: needing help doesn’t make you weak or unworthy. It makes you alive. The myth of the self-sufficient hero who never stumbles is just that—a myth. We’re all interconnected, leaning on each other in ways we rarely acknowledge. That said, I hear you: this cycle of borrowing feels like it’s eating away at the foundation of your friendships and your self-respect. And that’s a heavy thing to carry.
Let’s unpack this situation a little, shall we?
1. The Guilt Monster
The guilt and shame you feel? That’s your heart reminding you that you value your friends and don’t want to hurt them. It’s not a sign that you’re irredeemable; it’s a sign that you care. But guilt, when left unchecked, turns into this nasty little monster that tells you you’re a burden, a failure, someone who doesn’t deserve kindness. That monster is a liar. Acknowledge it, thank it for its input, and then politely show it the door.
2. The Reality Check
Your friends stepped up because they love you, and they believed in your ability to get through tough times. But love doesn’t mean limitless capacity, and it’s okay to recognize that their hesitation or closed-off behavior doesn’t necessarily mean resentment. It could also mean exhaustion or worry, or simply a reflection of their own financial insecurities.
Money is a strange, emotionally charged beast. It turns generosity into a subtle power dynamic, and sometimes that dynamic can get tangled in ways we don’t fully understand. That doesn’t mean your friendships are doomed, but it does mean they need care and honesty to flourish again.
3. The Plan
It’s time to rewrite the story you’ve been telling yourself. The one about being a perpetual taker, forever at the mercy of circumstances. Here’s a new story: You’re someone who’s had a series of unlucky breaks but is committed to taking control of their life.
Start small:
Communicate openly with your friends. Instead of avoiding them, lean into the discomfort. Acknowledge the strain. Say something like: “I know I’ve leaned on you a lot, and it’s weighed on me because I never want to put our friendship in a tough spot. I want to thank you for being there for me when I needed it most, and I want you to know I’m working hard to avoid putting you in that position again.”
Create a repayment plan that works for you and share it with them. Even small, consistent payments show effort and respect for their generosity.
Build your financial safety net—even if it’s just ₹800 a week. The act of saving will start to rebuild your sense of stability and control.
4. The Friendship Repair
Friendships, like bank accounts, need deposits to thrive. Think about the ways you can be a great friend that don’t involve money:
Be present. Listen to them. Celebrate their victories and support them in their struggles.
Offer your time or skills. Can you help them with a project, run errands, or simply lighten their load in small ways?
Remind them of why they love you in the first place—the humor, warmth, and care you bring into their lives.
5. Forgive Yourself
Let’s not forget the most important person in this equation: you. Life knocked you down, and you’ve been scrambling to get back up. That’s not failure—it’s resilience. Forgive yourself for the times you’ve stumbled. Show yourself the same compassion you’d show a friend in your position.
With time, effort, and a commitment to growth, you’ll find your footing again. And when that happens, remember to pay it forward—not just in cash, but in kindness, understanding, and grace for the people in your life.
You’re not a burden, my dear. You’re a work in progress. And I, for one, can’t wait to see what you build from here.
With love and a big virtual hug.
Maddy
Male - age 28
Male - age 28
15 Dec
15 Dec
They won’t resent you if you pay them back without them asking
They won’t resent you if you pay them back without them asking
Share your story - because, in the end, there will always be story or two to tell. About being broken. Rising. Falling. Growing. Disappearing. Waiting. Surviving. Changing. And other human fears.
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Share your story - because, in the end, there will always be story or two to tell. About being broken. Rising. Falling. Growing. Disappearing. Waiting. Surviving. Changing. And other human fears.
Submit a Story